There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
