I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think a kid would responsible me up
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
