So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
People in love make me want to vomit
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
