then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
