i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
