I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
