well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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