All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
