I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
