At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
