i just wanna soil my oats bro
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
