i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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