He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
