no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
