You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
