Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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