hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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