did you get engaged???
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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