Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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