I will die if light touches me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
