soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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