she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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