im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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