sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
