I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
