Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
