You're my little dorito
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
