I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
