that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
