I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
