Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
