he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
