i need an iv and a liver transplant
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
