why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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