I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
