She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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