I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
