That's when you crack a 10am beer
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
