The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
