We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
