If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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