I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
