His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize