Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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