You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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