There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
