The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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