Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
