ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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