i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
