Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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