I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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