If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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