look no pants
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
