I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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