Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
