I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
