I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
