He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
