I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
