I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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