best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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