i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love you. Go after that dick
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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