We named our party play list daddy issues
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
