Small penises have feelings too.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The uberlube is also flammable
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
