Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
