my soul wont recognize me after tonight
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize