Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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