he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize