I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
