um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
