I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
