just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
