im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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