WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
