with your own penis?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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