i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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