Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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