I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think people are normalizing furries
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize