dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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