I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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