i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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