I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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