She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
