the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
