How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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