who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
