He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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