this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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