Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
