Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
