tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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