i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
