She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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