My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
