I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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