Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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