Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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